How to Handle that Hurtful Stare

No matter how hard you prevent it from happening, it still happens.  The hurtful stares and comments. One of your students has an outburst and other kids stare back.  Looks of fear, looks of disgust, and comical jokes. It hurts.  A subtle form of bullying towards your student.  Kids making hurtful stares and comments may not intend to be mean, but hurts nonetheless.

How do you get past the hurt? How do you handle this as a teacher, help educate peers to be accepting and help your students cope? We will address all of this in today’s post.

How To Handle The Hurtful Stare As A Teacher

As a teacher, you have a special position to help your students and their peers navigate through the hurtful stares.  It can be a stressor in your day though. Your heart goes out to your students and the daily occurrences can be draining.

To properly handle this area you need to be guarded with the right frame of mind.  Here are some tips to have the proper mindset so you don’t get burned out.

Don’t Take Things Personally

Many teachers see their students as their own kids during the school day.  That’s a trait of an excellent teacher! When one of your learners gets made fun of it’s easy for mama bear to come out.

While it’s a good intention to want to protect your student it can also weigh you down!  Instead of taking things personally try these tips:

• Avoid taking on and internalizing the feelings of your hurt student.
• Take a neutral position.
• Be caring but remind yourself you are a professional, not a parent.
• While it’s not right that kids make fun of others remember that kids are still juvenile in their behavior.
• See these situations as teaching moments.

Model The Behavior You Want To See

One of the best ways to create an inclusive environment is to show others through your actions and words.  To set the stage of inclusions try:

• Talk to your student with special needs the same as you would any other student.  Sometimes without knowing we can take on “baby talk” or other tones with our kids.
• Keep the classroom positive by being positive yourself.  Notice the good things, be encouraging, give compliments to everyone.
• Be consistent with routine and follow through on rules. 
• Display empathy for all, even those students who may be in the wrong.  Understanding both sides helps you referee the situation.

How To Educate Peers

As mentioned earlier kids, while very smart and capable in their own way, are still immature in their thinking and acting.  Their brains are still developing and don’t have the same discernment as adults.  

That is why hurtful stares and comments are an excellent teaching opportunity.  If kids are not showing kindness they need to be shown how. Here are some strategies to help educate peers.

Teach Self Awareness

Do students realize what they are doing and how their actions affect others?  Pointing this out to them is far reaching. Here’s how to help them understand how their actions are hurtful:

• Catch kids at the moment.  Stop what they are doing, describe what you heard or saw from the child doing the hurting and describe what you heard and saw in the other child’s reaction.  Ask “do you see how your actions affected your friend?”
• Teach empathy and kindness through stories that illustrate scenarios.  A great story is The Monster Who Lost His Mean. This story helps teach the importance of kindness. To read more about some free activities with this book, read an old blog post HERE.
• Write a social story. I have a few that could help with self awareness. I Can Be Kind, I Will Use Nice Words, I Will be Accountable for Myself, I Will Not Be A Bully.
• Educate your class on different disabilities.  Some kids make fun of others because they are uncomfortable with differences.  Help them become comfortable through stories and show them all the capabilities kids with special needs have.

Teach Kids To Be Bystanders

• Encourage peers to stand up to peers when they see bullying.  See something say something.
• Point out to the class that they are contributors to bullying if they go along with it and don’t stop it.
• Teach tolerance through books.  Again stories are a great way to show kids how to have compassion for others and be tolerant of differences.  The Autism Acceptance Book has great activities.
• Create partnerships through group projects and pair kids with special needs with other classmates to work together on something to reach a common goal.

How To Help Your Kids Cope With Hurtful Stares and Comments

Your student may or may not be aware of hurtful stares and comments when they are in the middle of an outburst.  However peers naturally may distance themselves during calmer situations. That distancing can be just as hurtful.  Here are some tips to help your student cope with these occurrences.

Teach Self-Advocacy

• Teach social skills to recognize when someone is being hurtful. I have a lesson about Understanding Body Language HERE.
• Give students dialogue to speak up when someone is making fun of them, how to ask for help and how to respond.
• Empower your students by helping them see their gifts and talents and help them become confident in their uniqueness.
• Be a safe spot for your student to come and share their hurt feelings.
• Offer solutions to help students find ways to work through the hurt feelings, like hugging a stuffed animal, drawing a picture or taking a break. 

Find An Advocate

• Most times there is always someone who will be a friend.  Set up a lunch bunch or pair up for classwork so kids can feel they have peer support.
• Point out the safe kids your student can go to or seek out to play with during recess.

It is never pleasant seeing people we care about get hurt but unfortunately it still happens.  Equipping yourself to take on these situations, educating peers and helping your student cope will greatly help you handle the hurtful stares and comments.  Taking time to teach all students to be tolerant and kind will also lessen these occurence too.

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